Yesterday marked one year. A year since little girl and I were separated for the first time since conception. The day I let her out into the world; or better yet the day she made her way into the world kicking and screaming.
The day was slightly traumatic for me, so I apologize that this post is coming a day late, but I had so many emotions that ran rampant through my head thinking about how much this day means, and how proud I am of that sweet baby.
Except she isn't a baby anymore.. now is she?
She still looks a bit like a baby, but she's now considered a toddler. She has a mind, a will of her own, and I am so happy to be able to see her grow and develop.
I wasn't sure just how to put it into perspective, but her adoptive mom said it so well. I can't share her exact words with you, but through her words I wrote this short letter to my birth daughter on her birthday:
S, it's hard to look back at all you've accomplished this year and not be amazed by all you have accomplished. You are turning one, but your resiliency began long before your birth. From the challenges of being a embryo, created in a petri dish, and frozen for years just waiting for your chance, to the extreme challenge of surviving the thawing process and implantation, it is hard for anyone to doubt that you do not have an extraordinary will to live.
I still have a hard time coming to terms with the diagnoses that you have received. Some of these are so devastating in clinical presentation, and yet you seem to shine on regardless. You've baffled your doctors, and shown us all that medical diagnoses are not the end all-be all. Even with a brain deformity that carries something like an 85% death rate in early infancy, you are still here, and you are growing and learning more and more every day. You are a miracle baby, and I'll tell anyone who asks that I truly believe you will do more than anybody thinks you are capable of.
I am proud to have kept you safe for the time that you were entrusted to me. And yes, I still deal every day with the wish that I could have you by my side as you grow. I see such beauty and joy in your eyes, and I wish I could be a much bigger part of that than I am able to be. But I also know that you are absolutely in the best possible hands, and that you have a wonderful loving family that will give you everything you need and desire. I hope that everyone can see just a little bit of me in you.. but moreso I hope that you can show them all that just because your life isn't "normal" doesn't mean it isn't worth living.
I love you baby girl. Stay strong, and keep proving everyone wrong.
Your Momma.
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