So up until now this pregnancy has been uneventful. Baby girl S is happy, moving, with a good heartbeat and loves to kick the bejeezus out of anyone who dares lay their head or body on 'her' belly. Things have been nice..
The day of my 21 week anatomy scan everything changed. I went in for the ultrasound by myself; the IPs could not make it down for the appointment. I saw flickers of concern on the tech's face as she did the scan, but of course she didn't say anything to me. I thought I saw a couple of 'things' but I kept my questions to myself, knowing that if anything was perceived to be wrong the midwives office would call me and let me know what was going on. My IPs had asked to receive a copy of the report, so before heading home I stopped by the office and signed a medical release so that the midwives could contact them about the pregnancy. Little did I know that telling the midwives to call them first would prove to have been a big mistake.
On my way home I started receiving ominous texts from the mother. 'This is not good, this is a problem' 'We have to do something right away' I had no idea what this all meant until she called me. I couldn't make out a lot of what she was saying but the impression that I got was something was wrong with the baby. The midwives office called while I was on the phone with her, but I couldn't answer it in time. So I called them back.
The baby definitely has a cleft palette. She also has a cyst on her brain, which will likely resolve itself before birth. The ultrasound was unable to detect a stomach bubble, which is indicative of some problems which may require surgery immediately after birth. And (this is the 'big' one) they suspect the baby has Down's Syndrome.
They requested I get the Quad Screen done, which I immediately went and got done. And then came the kicker. The mother called me, still in a state of hysteria I would say, and tells me that 'we do not intend to bring a child into the world that has a significant disability and will require several surgeries to survive'.
WHAT!? What happened to 'this is my child I can't just throw him/her away'?? Where is this coming from! As I try to explain that nothing they are saying is 'wrong' is a death sentence for the baby. The physical problems are fixable, and Down's Syndrome is a socially accepted condition that has the potential for the child to be a thriving part of society. She is still talking termination. I remind her that this does NOT qualify under the terms of our contract and she states that she disagrees. I start to question what we put in the contract. I was so sure that they were not the 'baby's not perfect, let's terminate' type.. I didn't stress over the language regarding abortion/reduction. Even as it is, looking at my contract later it states that there must be 'severe fetal abnormality' which to me means life-threatening condition where the baby most likely will not survive outside of the womb. This does not qualify!
I'm appalled. I'm disgusted. I'm in a state of shock. I'm contacting a lawyer to see what my options are. But altogether.. I'm really just stuck once again.
And so here I am: sitting in my living room the night before the big peri-natologist appointment that will give us some much needed answers, unable to sleep for the fear and anxiety that is building up every moment that I have to realize that the time to see the IPs and the time to have the ultrasound is getting closer. I can't even fathom what I"m going to say to them or how I"m going to react given the runaround that has happened since Monday. I really wish I wasn't going to this appointment alone.
Wish me luck you guys.. I'll have more info tomorrow. And either I'll be posting in elationn that the u/s was wrong and Baby S's fate has been spared.. or I might be posting in anger and plotting what my next step will be. Who knows.. only time will tell.
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Surrogacy as it goes.. How it's been..
Hello all!
It's been quite a while since I wrote anything.. and I'm sure what has been happening over the last couple of months most of you already know from following me on Facebook. But I feel that the time has come that I have to write it all down; as a record for posterity, and as an act of respect for the little life that I'm so blessed to be holding.
On October 8th 2011 I drove down to PA for an embryo transfer. The couple that I decided to carry for is an established family with three other children in NY. Their mom carried the older child and then twins, but doctors decided it was unsafe for her to carry again because all of her children were born premature and her pregnancies were very difficult. The couple had two embryo's still frozen, and the thing I remember her saying that made me believe that they were the type of people I could be confident carrying for was when she told me 'they're my babies, I can't just throw them away'.
Two embryo's were transferred.. and then we waited. and waited and waited. Impatient me of course went out and bought a box of 3 home pregnancy tests. The first one (5 days after transfer) was negative. The second (7 days after transfer) was also negative. I became quite discouraged. I had a scheduled blood test on the 9th day post-transfer.. but I also had one home test left. I contemplated not using it and just waiting.. but I really couldn't just let it be. 8 days post transfer I got a very faint positive on the HPT. I was thrilled. My IPs wanted to wait for the official blood work before getting excited, but sure enough the next day it came back positive and they were absolutely thrilled.
The next couple of months were a little rough. I didn't have a lot of morning sickness because of the medications that the clinic had me on to maintain the pregnancy. I had an ultrasound at 8 weeks to measure the baby and make sure everything was growing well. Everything measured perfectly. We worked on getting insurance set up, however because of the regulations with insurance in the state of Connecticut, we were not able to get private insurance, and I was not able to use my state insurance for any of the pregnancy costs. We were stuck.
Luckily we found the wonderful Childbirth Connections Birth Center and midwives in Danbury. My first appointment I was 14 weeks. I lost 4lbs between the initial ultrasound and that date. However shortly afterwards I regained my appetite and I gained 7lbs in the next 4 weeks. Things looked good, baby's heartbeat was strong, and I was starting to feel movement.
We had an anatomy ultrasound scheduled during my 18th week. The tech was not happy about doing the scan at that gestation and wasn't able to clearly see the heart and the head as she wanted to; so I was scheduled to come back in 3 weeks, when I was 21 weeks. We did, however, find out that the baby is a girl!
It's been quite a while since I wrote anything.. and I'm sure what has been happening over the last couple of months most of you already know from following me on Facebook. But I feel that the time has come that I have to write it all down; as a record for posterity, and as an act of respect for the little life that I'm so blessed to be holding.
On October 8th 2011 I drove down to PA for an embryo transfer. The couple that I decided to carry for is an established family with three other children in NY. Their mom carried the older child and then twins, but doctors decided it was unsafe for her to carry again because all of her children were born premature and her pregnancies were very difficult. The couple had two embryo's still frozen, and the thing I remember her saying that made me believe that they were the type of people I could be confident carrying for was when she told me 'they're my babies, I can't just throw them away'.
Two embryo's were transferred.. and then we waited. and waited and waited. Impatient me of course went out and bought a box of 3 home pregnancy tests. The first one (5 days after transfer) was negative. The second (7 days after transfer) was also negative. I became quite discouraged. I had a scheduled blood test on the 9th day post-transfer.. but I also had one home test left. I contemplated not using it and just waiting.. but I really couldn't just let it be. 8 days post transfer I got a very faint positive on the HPT. I was thrilled. My IPs wanted to wait for the official blood work before getting excited, but sure enough the next day it came back positive and they were absolutely thrilled.
The next couple of months were a little rough. I didn't have a lot of morning sickness because of the medications that the clinic had me on to maintain the pregnancy. I had an ultrasound at 8 weeks to measure the baby and make sure everything was growing well. Everything measured perfectly. We worked on getting insurance set up, however because of the regulations with insurance in the state of Connecticut, we were not able to get private insurance, and I was not able to use my state insurance for any of the pregnancy costs. We were stuck.
Luckily we found the wonderful Childbirth Connections Birth Center and midwives in Danbury. My first appointment I was 14 weeks. I lost 4lbs between the initial ultrasound and that date. However shortly afterwards I regained my appetite and I gained 7lbs in the next 4 weeks. Things looked good, baby's heartbeat was strong, and I was starting to feel movement.
We had an anatomy ultrasound scheduled during my 18th week. The tech was not happy about doing the scan at that gestation and wasn't able to clearly see the heart and the head as she wanted to; so I was scheduled to come back in 3 weeks, when I was 21 weeks. We did, however, find out that the baby is a girl!
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