In 2001, I was in college in Kentucky. I had told no one, but I was pregnant. And at 19 weeks, two days before Valentine's Day, in a campus clinic, I gave birth to a little girl that nobody could save. I named her Miranda, and Valentine's Day changed forever.
I never found out what caused Miranda's death. But every year I would spend the days leading up to 'the day of love' curled up on my bed, remembering the horrific experience of giving birth to a child who was too small to live, alone in a facility that was in no way equipped to handle what was happening to me. Coupled with failed relationships and men who took advantage of my feelings for them, and I grew to hate Valentine's Day more and more every year.
A year ago, I was in a very different place. Faced with the torment of making a decision about the life of another little baby, my experience with Miranda played a profound part in my life. The timing of the events could not have been a coincidence. Right around the time when I normally would have curled up in a ball and spent days grieving over the baby that I was never able to have, I was presented with the opportunity to save another little baby from a similar, and yet so very different, fate. In the turmoil, I actually failed to realize the date of her death. A couple days later, I was consumed with the need to save the baby that lived inside my womb, for the sake of her sister-in-pregnancy. I could not bear to think that I would voluntarily repeat my experience with Miranda. The thought of having two children to mourn in February; well to be honest I was pretty sure it would kill me. I like to think that Miranda was watching over Baby S for those days.
And here we are a year later. Baby S is a lively, thriving little girl. She is so much more than anybody expected her to be. When I look into her pretty blue(ish) eyes, I can see that sparkle that makes me know that I did the right thing by standing up for her. She'll probably never know what I did for her; who knows what her mental capacity will be, but I have faith that a little bit of that baby that I never got to watch grow up, the child I wished for so much who wasn't meant to be here with me now, is living on in that sweet baby that I saved from the same fate.
I love you Baby S... and I love you Miranda
But I still hate Valentine's Day..
Hello, I just read the CNN article on Baby S. and I just want to thank you for your tremendous courage. I want you to know that those who have attacked you and "damned you to hell." have no idea what they are talking about. Life is important and we as human beings have no right to tell a life, or to tell God that a certain individual life is not worth living. I am not sure of your personal convictions, but I encourage you to have faith. No matter what happens to Baby S. God is in control and God is always faithful. Romans 8:28 states "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose." For those who trust in God and have faith in His Son, that He died for our sins and rose again, all things no matter how bad they seem will all work their way out in the end. I will be praying for you, Baby S. and her adopting family.
ReplyDeleteAgreed. Kudos to you.
DeleteJust read the article too. Agree 100%!
DeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteDear Ms. Kelley.
ReplyDeleteI have read the story on CNN about you, Baby S. and the parents. Although I logically understand the arguments around terminating a baby with a deformity I do not agree with them in my heart.
I applaud you and your courage. You are so blessed to have such a shining star in your life and to have such wonderful parents as have adopted that child.
I hope you find happiness along your path with your daughters.
May peace be upon you.
Deb
Hi,
ReplyDeleteI hope you are able to allow for some critics to voice their opinion on your blog as well, and not just leave the positive comments above.
You must have gone through an unimaginably difficult time with fluctuations in your resolve to keep this child or proceed with the abortion, as the CNN article describes. The reason why I believe you made a poor emotional choice (almost cruel) is because this child is now condemned to very difficult life, full of hospital admissions, surgeries, pain and suffering. It is tragic that this child will not even be able to communicate her needs, her pain to caretakers due to cognitive problems.
Since you also didn't have the financial means to pay for the C.S. Mott hospital bill yourself, you gave yourself the liberty to decide for the rest of the state of Michigan and the federal government to pay for the medical care (easily on the order of millions of dollars). This kind of behavior is every "mama bear" like indeed and I regret to say that your intelligence and critical reasoning isn't too far from that either.
"because this child is now condemned to very difficult life, full of hospital admissions, surgeries, pain and suffering"
DeleteYou don't know that and you are wrong to assume you do.
My girlfriend's son was born with many of the same problems as baby S and he's now a healthy and fully developed teenager who has lettered in multiple sports.
MordacP,
DeleteI'm a graduating medical student very familiar with the pediatric cardiology service.
I don't know what medical condition your girlfriend's son has; pediatric congenital disease is a wide spectrum, ranging from simple cardiac anomalies to life-threatening ones requiring serial surgeries throughout life (and with often unknown long term prognosis in the later decades of life, since many of these surgeries have been pioneered in recent history).
I can tell you, however, (and I guess you'll have to take my word on this unless you're a physician), that holoprosencephaly is devastating condition and this baby's multiple problems spell out a life of tremendous struggle and suffering in one of the most hostile places in the world: the hospital.
I'm so happy your girlfriends son has overcome his challenges.
Also, as a Michigan tax payer and resident, I disagree with this mother's decision, but unfortunately I am paying for it without a choice. And so are you.
"I'm a graduating medical student very familiar with the pediatric cardiology service."
DeleteI believe that as much as I believe the moon is made of green cheese.
"Also, as a Michigan tax payer and resident, I disagree with this mother's decision, but unfortunately I am paying for it without a choice."
You ignorant cuss. You didn't bother to read the story, did you? The baby has been adopted by a family. You're not paying one red cent.
This comment has been removed by the author.
DeleteMordacP,
DeleteHere's what the article says:
"When she arrived, she found an inexpensive summer sublet from a University of Michigan student and applied for Michigan Medicaid."
Did you catch the Michigan Medicaid part, and do you understand what that means? It means that tax payers are paying for it not the adopting family. Also, to understand congenital heart surgery costs read this:
http://www.ahrq.gov/news/newsletters/research-activities/mar12/0312RA11.html
I wouldn't be surprised if someone like you did believe the moon was made of green cheese.
You wrote: "but unfortunately I am paying for it".
DeleteThat's a lie.
And don't blame me for your poor English skills if that's the case.
let me be more clear:
DeleteMedicaid paid for this baby's birth, hospital care, and surgery (one of several more to come) --> taxpayer dollars pay for medicaid --> I am a tax payer (and so are you, hopefully) --> therefore, we are paying for the hospital bill.
I would be more than happy to explain this further if it doesn't make sense.
Taxpayers and medical insurance-holders indirectly pay for many, many services for which they do not agree. By their very nature, taxes are involuntary, and your choice as a taxpayer to pay for the care of this child are somewhat irrelevant.
DeleteUnless you were exclusively privately educated, taxpayers subsidized the education of an arrogant, heartless person to become a doctor.
@Al borz.....Wow. It's a sad day when an alleged medical student is of the opinion that killing a disabled baby would be a better option than allowing it a fighting chance for survival. Is this seriously the kind of doctors that are coming out of our MED schools? I would think this goes against everything you are being taught, will it not be your duty soon to save lives? Just because you have will have a medical degree doesn't mean you get to play God. You don't get to decide which life is worth attempting to save and which one isn't-because the answer is all lives. Everyone deserves a fighting chance. Yeah, she's probably going to suffer, and she's going to be in a hospital..Alot. But guess what?, that's what hospitals are there for- to save people, to heal them, to give them a chance at a better life. And that's what YOU doctors are here for, not to tell someone, "Oh no, its too much work..or too much suffering,so ya just kill it." Baby S. is not the first human that's going to suffer, and she's definitely not the last. Yeah, she might have a hard life, but guess what? Life IS hard. So get off your high horse, go find yourself some empathy, and see beyond the numerous medical conditions, see the little baby girl. There is nothing wrong with giving someone a fighting chance. Don't be one of those delusional individuals who kid themselves into believing they are doing a human being a favor by killing it-just so they won't have to go through the trouble of helping it fight for survival or watch is suffer. Everyone suffers one way or another. From what the articles say, the baby is doing OK for now and most importantly she is happy. She giggles and smiles at her siblings! Surely her happiness and that of her adoptive family's already outweighs the medical bills, surgeries, and problems to come. And as far as you having to pay via taxes, give me a break. Isn't that why the program is there in the first place? To help out those in financial need? The baby needs help regardless of where she came from. It's ironic to hear a supposed doctor complain about probably .10 of one of his dollars going towards giving a little baby girl medical aid.
DeleteAlso P.S. "doctor" just because she won't be able to verbalize her "needs and pains" doesn't mean she won't be able to communicate them in some other fashion..its called crying, smiling etc. all of which she does: "[she] constantly surprises her doctors with what she's able to do -- make eye contact, giggle at her siblings, grab toys, eye strangers warily." -CNN. Plus the parent's will figure it out, they won't be the first one's caring for a cognitively disabled child who is not verbal.
DeleteAs a mom of 2 toddlers, I am thrilled my taxes went and are still going towards paying for this child's life. You are an amazing, lovely lady, Ms. Kelley, and Baby S is so lucky to have you fight for her. I hope you find the strength to look beyond all the negative comments. remember there are more people rooting for you. Lots of love, Cheryllyne
DeleteAl- I respect all my critics as owners of their own opinions. You feel the way that you do; just as I felt the way that I did when I made my decision.
DeleteI have hospital bills, so your money did not pay for my labor and delivery, and it sure didn't pay for any of the baby's care, since that was picked up by the adoptive family's insurance. I didn't receive housing assistance, food stamps or anything else from the state of Michigan. At most 'you' paid for a couple of ultrasounds. I'm sure you'd be paying more for the birth of your own child, if you have any, than you did for my care. Anyways, that's what those programs are in place for. Just my opinion, but I am entitled to it just as you are.
And for my last point before I close, S is not doomed. She is not condemned. She is happy and she loves her life. She loves her siblings, and she is NOT a vegetable. We didn't know about the holoprosencephaly before she was born, but regardless she is blowing away doctors in all specialties and doing things nobody expected her to do. So who are you to say she won't overcome everything and have a wonderful, happy, and meaningful life. I believe she will!
Oh, here the unemployed mom goes again, trying to present her story as the life saver. Forget the fact that she broke the contract and FLED across the state lines with somebody else's child. You didn't feel so high and mighty that you wanted to give these people their money back, did you? You were contracted to do one thing, and when the outcome wasn't to your liking, you single-handedly decided to break the contract.
DeleteWhen you refund them every single cent that they paid you, maybe then get on your high horse. Until then, you are nothing but a swindler and a thief!!!
Ms Kelley,
ReplyDeleteSavior.
That is my verdict after reading your article on CNN. Thank you for what you did. Thank you for standing up for life. I can't imagine the many tough decisions you had to face. May God bless you for your faithfulness!
I concur.
DeleteDon't listen to the haters and so-called Christians.
ReplyDeleteYou did EXACTLY the right thing.
Too bad more people don't have your compassion and conviction.
Yeah, compassion and conviction of a swindler! Unless you want to argue that she had the right to abscond with somebody else's money, your argument is without merit. Since you're trying to act all Christian-like, how about "thou shalt not steal"? Remember that one?
DeleteJust discovered your blog. I think you're amazing and anyone that states otherwise is not someone that you need to listen to...although I understand that's hard. I only hope and pray that I would have had the strength and resolve to do what you did. What a blessing to have had the right people come into your life to make this all possible!!! All that matters is what you and the adoptive family think. They clearly love you and are grateful for you. That's what matters. Thank you!
ReplyDeleteThank you for what you did! It's inspiring.
ReplyDeleteLike the others, I read your story on CNN as well and wish I could thank you for your courage and conviction in person! I am a strong believer in the worth of every human life and your testimony, despite great personal sacrifice, is nothing short of inspiring! Thank you for not taking the easy way out. Thank you for giving this precious baby a chance.
ReplyDeleteRuth 2:12
"May the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge, reward you fully for what you have done."
I just finished reading your story on CNN. You are a remarkable woman, blessed and precious. I can honestly say that I don't know if I could have made the same decision you made but I am grateful that you are the strong, loving woman you are.
ReplyDeleteBless you and yours.
Just read your story on CNN and wanted to thank you. I was so deeply touched by what you chose to sacrifice to protect her innocent life. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteHow unfortunate for everyone that you decided to bring a child into the world that was not yours, either legally or ethically, and has little chance to survive to adulthood except through numerous surgeries and much pain. Selfish, that's what you are.
ReplyDeleteHeartless and cruel is what you are.
DeleteI'll take selfish over that.
Is it selfish to stop someone from murdering a child? Even if the would-be murderers have a legal right to the child? Not selfish at all, but rather the definition of a hero.
DeleteI know the biological parents truly thought they were wanting the best for the baby by putting it out of its misery, and I don't judge them for their motives. But Someone whispered to Ms. Kelley the worth of this little soul, and she listened! You gave this girl the life she deserved. Even if she only lives a little while, even if it is a life of suffering and surgeries, it is LIFE. Life is good. Life is worth living. Human beings are worth fighting for!
May God bless you, my dear Ms. Kelley! My heart is warmed by your fighting spirit. You are such an example of a true heroine to your girls!
The child was already in the world. The womb is in the world.
Deletejust read your story on CNN. I applaud you for what you did for baby S. Abortion is WRONG. As someone who doesn't have children, can't have children and yes we want children. I don't understand how some people would want to kill what God has blessed them with. In 2002 my husband and I went through IVF and I became pregnant with triplets but was unable to carry them and it led to a hysterectomy a short time later. May God be with you, your children and Baby S, and her adoptive parents now and always.
ReplyDeleteHello, I just read the CNN article and was absolutely riveted. 4 years ago that wouldn't have been the case, but with 2 little boys born since then, I can now relate (somewhat). Anyway, while I do not agree with the circumstances under which this whole surrogacy deal happened, I am glad you chose life over termination. I will bookmark this site and will be curious to see how things develop for the future.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDeleteAwesome to hear your story. It is amazing to hear all you have been through. Thank you for sharing and standing up for life no matter what. Keep up the fight! I pray God will reveal to you and your family just how much he appreciates life too.
ReplyDeleteI am copying my post that I posted to CNN's site. Kelley, you did the right thing. You chose life for Baby S. You were definitely unselfish in your thinking. It sounds like Baby S. has a wonderful adoptive family who love her the way she so desperately needs. You showed her the love of Christ by choosing life. She'll thank you later. I thank you now. Thank you for standing up under the pressures of the world to get rid of the "problem". Her life is just as valuable as anyone else's. May you be richly blessed.
ReplyDeleteHello,
ReplyDeleteI read your article in CNN. As a scientist, I considered both sides of the story and refrained from making judgement until the end after all facts had been presented. Throughout the article, I admired your courage to fight for the baby's life and I thought "wow, this woman is so selfless to want to keep and raise such a baby that's not even hers, knowing how much it would cost to her own quality of life."
Then I read the line where you decided you wouldn't raise it - and my opinion of you instantly turned 180 degrees. Sadly, I must tell you are incredibly selfish, heartless, stupid, and above all, a hypocrite. You fought tooth and nail to make a point, to stand up for something you believed in (or wanted the world to believe you believed in), only to talk the talk without walking the walk at the end.
Basically, you claimed that you wanted to save this poor baby that everyone else had given up hope on and abandonned, yet, what did you do in the end? You just dumped it on someone else. Why? Because you know you don't have the money nor ability to care for it. Because you DON"T WANT care for it. You just want to be the hero on newspapers who fought to save a baby but want none of the consequences.
What does that make you? Uttterly selfish, cruel, stupid, and hypocritical. Heroes own up to their actions. You're not a hero.
Name calling is not appropriate, disagree without being disagreeable, after all a well educated scientist should speak in a fashion devoid of such an overstated emotional response.
DeleteIf you truly are a "scientist", I strongly suggest you go back to the books and read up upon refraction and reflection, as I do not think you understand the image (ass) you are portraying of yourself by your personal attacks upon this surrogate mother. This story is not about a surrogate mother nor is it about Connecticut donors. It is totally about a human life. As a "scientist", you should respect life no matter whether it is a one-celled organism or human life. You should also recognize that as human beings, we do not always make logical choices. You obviously did not make a "logical" or "scientific" choice when you chose to bash this young woman. You should be ashamed of yourself.
DeletePerhaps I should elaborate:
DeleteShe is selfish because she at one point actually would have terminated the pregnancy for $5000 more. What does that show about her value (literally) of life and her character?
Second, she is cruel because she brought a child into the world that will have to suffer just so she could uphold her beliefs (what those beliefs are, I will not speculate - everyone has the right to have their own opinion) but didn't want to raise it, or to make herself famous. If she truly believed in fighting for the child's life and considered herself the mother (which I did commend) she should have been ready to bear responsibility for raising it. The fact that she brought it into the world to suffer medical problems, only to offload it onto someone else, is in my opinion cruel. If she was not ready to handle it, she should have terminated the pregnancy. There are plenty of sick/abandonned/empoverished/etc children in this world awaiting adoption - why add to the list? And then, if (which I hope is not true) she did this to make herself famous, then I have no words.
Third, her decision was stupid because she did not consider/care about the consequences of what she did. Did she consider the possible scenario if no one wanted to adopt the child? As someone with no job and who can't even pay her rent, she hardly sounds like she could raise a baby with such medical needs. Then what would she have done? Dump it on the state into foster care?
Lastly I don't think I need to explain why she is hypocritical. She called herself the mother, she fought for it's life, then in the end, she gave it up. I dunno, but to me, that's not exactly practicing what one preaches...
The bottom line is, she did not accept responsibility for what she did. She brought a child into the world with severe medical problems - these problems affect the child (repeated surgeries, possible paralysis, possible early death) and society (taxes pay the bills, resources in hospitals are not unlimitted - whatever is spent on the child could be spent on someone with a better prognosis). Nothing in this world is free because time and resources are finite.
Sure we are all human and we make emotionally charged decisions, but at the same time, no one can deny that she did not follow through and stand by what she stood up for. It bothers me that people can look at this from a single facet - that she saved a life, but completely ignore the fact that she still dumped the kid at the end.
If she kept the kid as her own, I would consider her a hero.
Hopefully all this new found attention is as lucrative for you as surrogacy. You lost all credibility to your story once you got in a bidding war for the life of this baby.
ReplyDeleteI just read the CNN story.
ReplyDeleteKelly, You should be commended. You are a fine example of what is morally right.
Who are we to decide to "terminate' a life? Should we play God and decide because a child may have health problems to end it's life.
In Exodus 21:22-25, we read of how God views an unborn child, and we as Christians have an obligations to have that same view....that a life....even though it's inside the womb, even if it has congential defects, it is still life.....and so precious..
Every decision that you have made has been wise and right, and I believe our heavenly Father has approved.
Dear Kelley - you should have a good friend moderate your blog for you. You should really never have to read such cruel things about your very brave self, nor about the precious child you saved.
ReplyDeleteI'm so very proud of you. Don't you ever forget it, either. When you are low - please remember that I (and many, many like me) think that you are a hero. God bless you, brave mama. God bless you, for turning your sorrow over your baby who was born to early - into strength to save another.
I totally agree with you. Kelley needs to moderate her blog and she is a hero!
DeleteI agree. I would actually recommend closing the comments. At the end of the day, what she did is really nobody's business but the parties involved. I wish everybody involved all the best of luck. No judgment on any of them.
DeleteThere but for the grace of God go any one of us.
You have my email from my previous comment. If you ever need a friend - please know that I am here and you may contact me. I'm a mom of nine children myself...and I so admire your strength and courage.
ReplyDeleteYour choice was based on some pretty weird morality. You apparently think that condemning someone to a life of suffering is preferable to ending it early before a sense of consciousness even develops.
ReplyDeleteYou also very conveniently washed your hands of this mess by letting someone else deal with it. Basically, you were too scared to go through with the abortion because of some religious brainwashing and you were a coward yet again once you realized you couldn't care for the baby. All this to "save" her "immortal" soul.
Pathetic.
I think it is you, LFP, who has been religiously brainwashed. Everyone in this world suffers, whether it is stress caused by a job or stress caused by a lack of a job or any number of reasons. Should we exterminate all individuals who are suffering because they cannot find a job? Should we exterminate our brave veterans who sacrificed their blood and limbs so you can berate another person's morals? Of course not! Then, what gives anyone the right to end this human being's supposed "suffering" by killing it? Who declared that you are so ethically and morally sound that you can judge the morality of others? Who made you God?
DeleteAgreed Todd!
DeleteLFP,
Deletewhat do you think the baby would have chosen when she was in the womb? An opportunity to fight for life or to give up?
religious brainwashing? Sorry, I don't identify a religion anywhere.. so exactly who is brainwashing me? I'm an educated woman put into an extraordinary circumstance. I did what I felt was right. Your choices may have been different.. but until you are in my shoes I don't really think you can say that.
DeleteSo if you believe in the value of life, you are brainwashed, but if you are ok with abortion, you are not???
DeleteDear Crystal,
ReplyDeleteI also just read the article about you on CNN. What a wonderful story! It was so wonderful to hear a positive story supporting life! I am thankful for you and your courage! You did the right thing and you are a good mother! I pray that others will follow your lead and choose life for the little ones they are carrying. Don't let the hateful words of others bring you down. Abortion is wrong and there is no arguing that. A hateful word has never brought about a good thing. You, your children and Baby S have been fearfully and wonderfully made! God bless you dearest!
You are a saint. You saved that baby. You knew you could not afford what was ahead, how could you? Then why do you torture your self? You did more than the best, you gave her the opportunity to live. Stop punishing your self. What you did is pure LOVE. You do not need other people's approval when you know inside of you that your baby will love you for ever for what you did. Your mission was to help a family that wanted a baby. When they did not want the baby anymore, you did your BEST, and I would say better than any other person that I can imagine.You will live the rest of your life knowing that you gave a child the chance to live and that child will thank you for ever no matter what happens next.
ReplyDeleteThank you for giving me hope! God bless you!
Thank you, but I am a far cry from a saint.
DeleteMy daughter was born Feb 19th and died Feb 23 2012. The doctors tried to get me to cut her life support because she would not have a "normal" life due to the brain damage she suffered from lack of oxygen during birth. We did not, but God took her home anyway.
ReplyDeleteI also hate Valentines Day. Remember when you begin to curl into that ball every February, that I am curled right along side you. Our pain will not heal, but we can hold onto the Hope that we will see their precious faces when we go to meet them.
I could not stand to read many of the other comments. People have forgotten compassion and grace. My prayers go to you, your girls, baby S and her adoptive Momma. May Peace and Grace find you and your family!
I believe you're a hero! I was born with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome and missing almost three vertebra's in my neck. My parents gave me up for adoption 47 years ago and are now both deceased. If I could reach back in time, I'd hug them both for giving me life. I may not have all the brain power that most people have, but I can see an angel in the midst of trials...because I needed help myself at one time. Heavenly Father helps others through us and our faith. You did the right thing, for sure.
ReplyDeleteI just read your story this morning and had to come over here to offer my support! There is absolutely no doubt in my mind that you did the right thing by standing up for Baby S and giving her the right to live. You are a hero in my eyes. And a true Mother in every sense of the word. You not only gave her life, you also had the knowledge and wisdom to realize that this precious little girl needed her adoptive Mother to take over and start the next phase of her journey. My husband and I are the adoptive parents of a now-22 year old daughter with Fetal Alcohol Syndrome. She continues to teach me many lesson about life and love. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm proud of you. There will always be those who disagree with what you've done, but just remember you did the right thing.
ReplyDeleteKelley, I just read the CNN article and thought to myself I have to congratulate this person myself. I don't know if you read this or not but i needed to tell you, YOU DID RIGHT as a human being you have earned my respect as a person that fights for something she believes is right. Who cares what the world thinks of you, who or what are the persons that attack you to judge you on your decision. deep inside you know you did whats was needed to be done because who are we to decide who live or dies, if we killed an unborn because hes going to be born with down syndrome are we any different from Hitler killing the Jews because they were not pure. illnesses or not S needed to be born to give you strength and to teach you and only YOU, something. screw the world with their opinions, you make your person and future and YOU decide whats best for you and NEVER regret the decisions you make. I know that things will get better.
ReplyDeleteI will only call you brave if you are there to watch every one of Baby S's terrible surgeries. If you are there to watch doctors chop and restitch her tiny little body like a piece of meat, again and again. If you are there to wipe the drool and piss and feces from her body, even after she's old enough to be able to do it herself. If you are there to watch her final death agony, life squelched from her lungs by her crippling deformities. You DON'T get to take the high ground, until you do. You don't get to spend a mountain of money that isn't yours, bring a doomed child into the world, walk away with your hands clean, and call it all an act of love until you have seen first hand the consequences of your actions.
ReplyDeleteAnd you dear friend....how are you behaving any differently in this moment as you "play god" with your words of venom and hate for a situation and circumstance you have no personal investment in? How is your hate more valuable than her choice?
DeleteI'm thinking that Dana is very mis-informed. The doctors are not just going to chop away at her body with disregard for her welfare and safety. Every parent has to wipe away drool, urine, and feces from a baby.....and there are plenty of parents that take on this task, even after their baby is no longer a baby, because of necessity. You do what you need to do because you love your child. If and when this child passes away from her deformities, I don't believe that it will be a horrible, agonizing death. We do live in the United States. And doctors here are merciful. It's not like she is going to be dumped in a cardboard box and left by the trash can. She has loving adopted parents who will be there for her. As far as this baby being a "doomed" child, all of us are ultimately doomed. We are all going to die. Just because this child has health issues, that automatically justifies her being aborted? I don't think so. Until you have carried a baby like Baby S, and been in that situation, you cannot really judge someone else.
DeleteI totally agree with Loretta.
Lorretta, I do have a personal investment in this story. I pay taxes, and the federal government is financing, via medicaid, the baby's fruitless surgeries. What a ludicrous, ignoble waste of resources. Yes, human lives have a price. And the price of prolonging this baby's inevitable demise is dozens of other children that COULD be helped, but weren't. Have you ever seen the slums of the third world? Have you seen the heart wrenching, grinding poverty of New Delhi? There are legions of children that are in otherwise perfect health who die of simple things like malnutrition. To see immense resources spent on a hopeless case while a hundred lives could otherwise be saved with that same energy and resources drives me mad. Those are real lives that could be saved. Lives that have a fighting chance.
DeleteAnd that is what insults me so deeply about this entire matter: a self-righteous women with vague maternal feelings believing she's done something wonderful when she's done the exact opposite. Her story would be redeemed only if she stuck around to see the consequences of her decision, but like a coward, she didn't. She even tried to extort money from the parents and only changed her tune when they turned her down.
If there are any heroes in this story its the adoptive parents who bravely took responsibility for the mess she made. Yet they only get a footnote.
And Marie, I agree with everything you say, but my point is that the "hero" of this story is not the author of this blog, it's the parents that adopted. And what's more, you have to consider the opportunity cost of having kept this baby alive. Sure, every person "deserves a chance" but not everyone can be GIVEN a chance. Medicaid has and will continue to undoubtedly pay the expense of Baby S.'s surgeries even though she will almost certainly die young (look up her conditions). And for that cost, many many other children with lesser problems could have been "given a chance."
DeleteGo ahead then.. call me brave. I will be there for every surgery and recovery, just like I sat with her every day while she was hospitalized in Michigan. I'm not in this for some flippant segment of time. I love and care about this child, and I will be there every step of the way. Watch me.
DeleteBut that story isn't over yet, MomSurroDoula. If you can watch Baby S's final dying moments, then you will be true to your principles. But that's beside a bigger point. What I was trying to illustrate with my words is that the reality of this entire story has two sides, and one of them is very ugly. Noble intentions can generate highly ignoble results. It's not enough to act on maternal impulses. You didn't examine the full range of ramifications of your actions. Had you taken the $10,000 offer for the abortion and given that money to Feed The Children, an admirable charity, you would have ended one life fated for misery but could have saved at least 10 others. That would have been the noble thing to do. But instead, you asked for $15,000 for YOURSELF, then promptly became a platinum clad idealist when your demands were refused.
DeleteNo life is worth more than another. Everyone deserves a fighting chance period. Your argument is ridiculous, if you had read the article well you would see that so far she is doing OK. Yeah she will need surgeries, and "If Baby S. does survive, there's a 50% chance she won't be able to walk, talk or use her hands normally." But there is a 50% chance she will. and she has already " defied the odds, who constantly surprises her doctors with what she's able to do -- make eye contact, giggle at her siblings, grab toys, eye strangers warily." People have survived with worst odds, and there's no reason why she should die so kids in some other country should live. Of course every child anywhere deserves a chance at life, but not at the cost of another. If you're so ok with giving up one life so many can live, why don't you give up yours and send your life insurance to those hungry children? The fact is that she CAN be given a chance because she was born here and unfortunately the other children of those third world countries weren't. Life sucks, oh well. If there were even a slim chance that she might survive it is her prerogative to be given that chance.
DeleteLola, you asked why I don't give my life up to help others. And the answer is this: I'm selfish. Just like you. Just like the author.
DeleteBut there's one key difference between you and the author and me. I don't pretend to take the high ground of moral superiority while simultaneously turning a blind eye to the suffering of the world. I don't sleep well at night knowing that I could do more to help the immeasurable suffering elsewhere. People like you, who are infatuated with the plight of one hopeless being while scores of other suffer, do.
I stand behind the real issues of suffering in the world. I could do more, but I give money to charities, I petition congressmen to offer greater foreign aid, I've volunteered at homeless shelters on holidays, and what's more, I won't allow my conscience to be clean while I refuse to do more. But people like you? It's all about how you feel. If it "feels" good then it must be good, even while you ignore the very real, crass, and ruthless opportunity costs of irrational decisions based on emotion alone.
And how exactly is that you would pretend to know me at all or what I care about and how I "feel". I don't turn a blind eye to anything. I am well aware of what is going on in the world and I give money to charities when I can, but I am not naive I know where I can help and when, and I do. I take care of my family and my disabled sister, (who btw was only suppose to live until 2 years of age and is now 20 and incredibly happy to be alive) ALSO btw not that I need to justify myself, I have not only volunteered, donated, etc here in the US but also abroad. I spent a good part of last summer volunteering in nursing homes and with the homeless children of nicaragua, and obtaining supplies for them out of MY own pocket. So please, get off your high horse. The difference between you and me is that I see the value in ALL lives not just some. I am not pretending to take any high moral ground of superiority unlike you. Ever since high-school I have volunteered when and where I could and even used school projects to raise awareness of serious issues like AIDS in Africa or Sex slavery. I am infuriated with the plight of ALL. I constantly read stories like this to my little brothers in the hopes that they will understand what life really is, that is not all just about playing xbox and hanging out with friends. By standing behind this disabled little girl with cardiac problem very much like my little sister's, and I AM standing behind the real issues of suffering in this world. Everyone suffers one way or another and you DO NOT get to choose who is worth saving and who is not. So don't you dare tell me I don't understand. And you should always include an element of emotion within decisions its called being human. Go ahead, keep sending a few dollars, volunteering on holidays, and writing letters, and thinking you are better than everyone else.
DeleteLola, then you have done things far nobler than anything the author has said or done. But this isn't about you and it isn't about me. It's about someone being heaped with praise who doesn't deserve it. It started with selfish intentions and it ended with selfish intentions.
DeleteEvery decision has consequences. Ignoring them doesn't make them go away. And acknowledging them, like me, doesn't make me a monster and it doesn't mean I care any less about the value of human life. If you let one 400 pound man into a lifeboat, you may have saved one life, but if it were to the exclusion of 4, 100 pound men who drowned, is it so terrible to bring up the fact that four men drowned so that one could live? This is a world of hard economics whether we wish to admit it or not.
Glamorizing vigilantism that costs society at large is not a good thing for ACTUALLY alleviating human suffering. Everyone keeps acting like the decision to bring Baby S. to term against the actual legal decisions of the parents was somehow a decision that bore no costs. Well IT WASN'T.
First off don't patronize me. I told you what I do so you'll stop being so judgmental. I am not praising anyone and no one is ignoring the consequences of decisions here.
DeleteThe fact of the matter is this lady and those "biological" parents created a life. Just like you said everything has a consequence, and the consequence of their actions was the creation of a disabled innocent baby girl. They should have stepped up and taken care of their daughter instead of demanding she be killed because of her disabilities. What kind of message does that send their three other children? "Oh btw kids, the baby was disabled so we killed it, it would have been too much trouble and suffering and way too much of a financial burden on society so we just decided to kill your sister instead." Talk about not taking responsibility- as our President ironically said, "It’s the courage to raise a child that makes you a father."
There are MANY children and individuals with severe disabilities that are living life thanks to the advancements of science. That is what the medical system is here for. As far as alleviating the suffering of the world, you sound naive. There is and always will be suffering in this world. Ideally you and the rest of humanity would do what it could when it could to help those in need, but we don't live in Utopia and that is never going to happen. Who are you or who are any of us to place different amounts of value on different lives? The cost should be beside the point; you should never place monetary value on human life. When did we become a society who values money over the life of an innocent? Yeah, she signed the contract but as her lawyer said no matter what the contract says you cannot force someone to have an abortion. And as for the rest of society, if they have a problem with saving the innocent life of a disabled baby girl-then we have an even bigger problem. Anyhow it’s the luck of the draw isn't it? And it just so happens she was born in the USA where there is the option of medical care, and adopted by a family that has medical insurance.
I am in no way "glamorizing vigilantism"; I do not think anyone is above the law. However, I can't say how much I would support legal actions that would treat a human life as valueless and seek to exonerate a man from his responsibilities as a father (or woman/mother).
And finally your metaphor.
1. How big is this life boat that it can only hold four people @ 100 lbs. each?
2. If he is 400 pounds (of fat I am assuming) wouldn't he just be able to float on the side?
3. Where exactly are they stranded? Because if they don't all fit on the lifeboat they could definitely take turns holding on to the side of the boat.
5. Was there no debris left over from the capsize that they can float on? I can't imagine that they were dumb enough to go off to sea?lake?pool? in a lifeboat that doesn't hold them all.
Basically that analogy doesn't really apply here, where are the four other children HERE in the USA that are dying and being denied medical attention because baby S. is receiving it? There is always a way. Life isn't black and white. Plus we're a nation that's a big fan of spending anyhow so what’s the prob?
DeleteAnd if there are children being denied medical attention specifically because of her, or because of the lack of funds-then that needs to be addressed immediately. Although, as I understand it, hospitals cannot deny you medical attention because of a lack of money.
The point is she's a life. We literally only get one chance at life, so how dare someone attempt to steal that from her because of some lame convictions..however good intentioned they may be
She’s going to suffer? Oh well! Show me someone who hasn’t suffered some even worse than she will. She is also going to be happy and loved, as is evident from the pictures and from the statements saying she wakes up every morning smiling.
Just as you believe no one is above man-made laws, so should you believe no one has the right to play a god and pick and choose who lives. Everyone deserves a chance at life period.
also, 5= 4*.
DeleteI just read the CNN article and I think you did the right thing. Thank for your fighting for someone that couldn't fight for herself. She is loved, she is cared for, she is what matters.
ReplyDeleteNo doubt your blog is going to "blow up" from all the comments now that the full story is told. I am a blogger from Georgia....and want to say, "thank you". The decision you made was difficult, fault-filled, frail and deeply emotional....just like ALL of life. Hold your head high before our Lord, and Savior, Jesus Christ. You did well, Mom. Be my friend...I am proud of you.
ReplyDeleteBE BRAVE and ignore the haters.....they are the ones who look into the mirror each day and think they alone are God. We know different.
DeleteI just read the article on CNN about your surrogacy. I wanted to tell you how amazing you are. Not many people would/could go through that and make the right choice, but you did. The comments that you should have been God-like and have mercy on the child was appalling. I'm not sure how that sentence even fits into a story about aborting a child - how they could have believed God would have it that way. I truly believe if God wanted it that way, the pregnancy wouldn't have happened, he would have taken His own mercy while she was in the womb or she wouldn't have survived birth. You are this child's miracle and she is yours. God bless you.
ReplyDeleteI too just read your story on CNN. Let me just say... you are a beautiful and strong woman. God bless you for your courage under fire. God is LOVE. If it was God's will for that baby... Baby S to not be born then He would have chosen a natural path for that to happen and would have welcomed her into His heavenly embrace on His own accord. Parent's are not allowed to plan God. Ever. You absolutely, without a doubt did the RIGHT thing. Babies are ALWAYS a blessing. (PERIOD) Abortion is never an option. EVER. People who can look at a child and say "You'd be better off dead" need to re-evaluate priorities. I shudder at the thought of my children not being here. Let me just say THANK YOU. Thank you for standing up for life. For that sweet Baby S. when no one else would. You're a hero in my book.
ReplyDeleteLife is a gift. Always.
DeletePeople like you give me faith in humanity. Its painful to think there are people who think that their tax dollars are better spent on War or other idiotic things instead of a life.
DeleteI love you and I love that little baby!!! THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!! You are a hero
ReplyDeleteI read an article about your story, and while I don't know any more than what the article said about the situation or you, I want you to know that I have a great deal of respect for you. In the article it mentioned that a lot of people don't agree with what you chose to do, and I feel that, if people go out of their way to be cruel, those of us who aren't cruel should go out of our way to support you as well. I can't imagine what you went through, or what S. is going through or her family. But what I do know is that S. now has a chance to go through life. You have great strength and courage. God Bless!
ReplyDeleteI just read your story on CNN. God bless you!!! You really are a hero :-)!!
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say that you did the right thing. I am pro-choice, but that is often interpreted by others to mean that I am for abortion. I am not. It is sad that the parents wanted to terminate the pregnancy, but I can understand their fears. If they were carrying the child it would have been their choice to make, but they weren't.
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine the emotions that you went through and do not blame you for asking for more money to consider an abortion. People were playing with your feelings as a mother and making it appear to be the best option for you. Just because you considered it doesn't make you bad. I know someone that gave birth to a child with a severe birth defect and she had considered abortion. She chose not to and her baby lived a month. She does not regret that choice, nor does she feel that she condemned her child to suffering during that month of life.
I am not surprised by the ignorant people complaining about their "taxes" paying for care of children such as Baby S. These are the same people that would claim to be pro-life, but only care about the birth of a child, not helping that child have a good life.
I wish you the best. You protected this child and found adoptive parents for her. You are a strong, intelligent woman and will no doubt make a good life for yourself.
I read your story on CNN and would love to encourage you to run to Jesus Christ immediately. His love is the only one that will never let us down. I really believe that He will bring you not just out of this trial but your financial situation as I understand from CNN. Your story is so encouraging!
ReplyDeleteThe path of godly life is rife with persecution. But he bore it on the Cross to reunite us with God.
"Indeed, all who desire to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, while evil people and impostors will go on from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived." (2 Timothy 2:12-13)
God uses imperfect people to tell his story...the Bible is full of these people, and we're all imperfect. Judge not...
DeleteWhat I want to know is, what sort of unbringing did you have that you keep getting pregnant over and over again with no father in the picture at all? It seems you did it in college, and now again with your own children (and then AGAIN with someone ELSES child!). Its just very irresponsible that you keep bringing kids into this world with no ability to pay for them, and no father figure to speak of. At some point, I am sure I will be paying for your bad judgement.
ReplyDeleteThe child you brought into this world will likely suffer greatly, and frankly, it was not your choice to make (and yet you did this because you couldn't afford the children you already had-very low class btw) When she goes through yet another surgery, or dies a long slow agonizing death, I hope you still think you made the right decision.
No offense, but you really do not make very good life choices and while you will have your 15 minutes of fame-you probably will still end up broke with more children from fathers who do not want them.
"The child you brought into this world will likely suffer greatly, and frankly, it was not your choice to make (and yet you did this because you couldn't afford the children you already had-very low class btw) When she goes through yet another surgery, or dies a long slow agonizing death, I hope you still think you made the right decision."
DeleteQuoted this because its the only part relevant, the rest is just your assumptions based on a CNN Article.
Yes, this child might have hardships. No denying that but who are you to value their life? For all you know, they might have a great life while they have it. If someone were to tell you that they think you might have a hard time at some point, maybe we should just kill you now, Think we should?
Stop bringing Dollars into this, This is one thing it seems most americans tend to do. Welfare is in place for people who need it. Its not "Very low class" to save a life, regardless of cost. If this baby dies a "long slow agonizing death" she'll be able to say that she gave this child life, an opportunity every baby should be given no matter how bleak. Hopefully you don't have children because thats some shitty thinking.
No offense, but you sound like a terrible person. I hope you end up alone and childless. (See how that works? Doesn't feel good even with a "no offense").
My children are very loved by their father. Just because we are not together anymore bears absolutely nothing on the relationship they have with each other.
DeleteLike a few others, I too am completely disgusted by the way Ms. Kelley gets to mug around for the cameras acting like a saint who "saved" a child, all while having tried to extort an extra $5000 from the parents AND having dumped the real work and bills on the taxpayers after the kid was born.
ReplyDeleteUS, as country, is far too easy on people who are broke as a joke and don't bother to pay the bills they rack up. Ms. Kelley deserves to have her wages garnished for the rest of her life until the bills she inflicted on the rest of us are paid back in full!
You're the kind of person that gives the US a bad rep. You're the reason people make pictures like this: http://lerageshirts.com/media/catalog/product/cache/1/image/400x462/9df78eab33525d08d6e5fb8d27136e95/m/e/merica-shirt-meme-funny_1.jpg
DeletePoor you, having to pay money so a child can live. Did you read that? Read again, Poor you giving money more value than life.
I won't deny my moment of weakness.. but don't try to say you know what I would or wouldn't do. It's not something I'm proud of, but it is what happened. I'd rather be upfront about it than pretend it didn't happen so that I could deal with all the backlash later.
DeleteGo ahead.. be disgusted. I didn't tell my story for you. I told it for all the mothers who are told their children aren't worth carrying, all the surrogates and potential surrogates who think that it's all happy endings and cupcakes, and all the people who think life really is worth more than the almighty dollar.
HonkingAntelope, I agree with you completely. If MomSurroDoula wants to make the kind of decision that she made, that's fine as long as she does it on her own dime with her own children. But no, that's not what she did at all. Instead, she sung her own praises amidst the flashing cameras and then fled, leaving the mess to everyone else. If she wanted to do the real right thing, if she REALLY cared about the lives of innocent children, she would have had the abortion and then joined the Peace Corps. She'd go to Nigeria like my close friend to help the starving masses. Until then, she is gleaning notoriety and sending the bill for it to the rest of us. But I would never expect her to have any class and admit that she's not the hero of this story.
Delete"if she REALLY cared about the lives of innocent children, she would have had the abortion" seriously? how you can put caring about the LIFE of an INNOCENT CHILD and ABORTION in the same sentence is beyond reason. You are the one with no class Dana. No where is the story or in her blog has she referred to herself as a hero. She openly and honestly admitted to considering the abortion because of her financial situation. The baby, a human life!, was growing inside HER not you or anyone else so she had every right to make the decision of letting the baby girl have what was rightfully hers- life. This baby has as much right to live as you do. The state is NOT paying for this kid, her adoptive family is via their health insurance-and I'm pretty sure they're OK with that. Go read about what a happy baby she is and how she giggles with her siblings and how she brings her family joy before you condemn her to death.
DeleteLola, this is exactly the kind of naivete that is the problem. Stop pretending like resources are fabricated out of thin air. Money is fungible, but finite. Money spent in one place can't be spent somewhere else. Much of the expense DID come from medicaid and the money that comes from insurance will ultimately cause premiums to go up. For every dollar spent on Baby S, there is another child in need that has a fighting chance but will be IGNORED. If you think that life has infinite value, then I challenge you to instantly send all of your life savings to a charity that gives children malaria vaccinations.
DeleteAnd what's more, you are ignoring the fact that she was bound by a contract. She signed it on her honor. And then she deceived the parents and then fled state laws to evade her obligations and commitments. She was making a choice for a child that wasn't hers. It was vigilantism. She should have had the abortion because it was the parents' wish, THEN she could have gone out and done fabulously idealistic things with her OWN children and her OWN life. But no, she didn't. She made a decision and claimed that it was the right one even though she had shuffled the costs onto the rest of society.
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Delete"No one else was feeling this pregnancy the way that I was. No one else could feel her kicking and moving around inside," she said. "I knew from the beginning that this little girl had an amazing fighting spirit, and whatever challenges were thrown at her, she would go at them with every ounce of spirit that she could possibly have."
ReplyDeleteI loved reading this part. Congratulations to you, life will always find a way and this little baby was meant to live an important life affecting many people, no matter how long or short.
Thank you for sharing your story.
Ridiculous that Honking Antelope wants to give you grief about taxpayer burden when a quick check of their blog shows they eat fast food all the time. Honking Antelope deserves to have their wages garnished for the rest of their life until the damage they inflict on the environment and the soil are paid back in full.
ReplyDeleteAt least I pay for mine with the money I've earned through work, instead of always whipping out a welfare debit card like a lot of the people that seem to be posting on here.
DeleteFor that matter, why do you think the original parents offered a $10k bribe for an abortion? Hint: It wasn't the goodness of heart.
Honking Antelope is right. This welfare whore, who can't make good decisions in her own life, then had the nerve to inflict her poor decision making on a baby that is beyond damaged. And the government WILL be caring for that baby forever. It isn't fair to people who work hard, can earn a living without being an incubator, who make proper decisions, to care for the losers of the world like this one. I don't know why fast food has anything to do with people sponging off of the government to pay for a child who should not be alive, but I leave that thinking to the non-college educated. It amazes me that you don't see that the people who think she did the right thing are more often then not UNEDUCATED. Poor and stupid always go hand in hand.
DeleteIt is TOTALLY fair that the Government tax you for her continued life. What the honest fuck is wrong with you? With all your knowledge its made you cynical, hard and unkind. Poor you, having to pay money so a child lives. Gosh I sure feel for you. How ever will you get on with your life?
DeleteWow, I can't believe so many people are so quick to judge. In my opinion, it can never be wrong to choose life over abortion. God bless Baby S and her family. Surely He has a purpose in sending her to Earth.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you. I am an adoptive mom. The first child offered to us was a child with intense special needs. Because my husband and I are both social workers, the agency felt we would be the best option for her. We decided to say yes because we had agreed that whichever child was chosen for us, this was meant to be. This first child was eventually adopted by a couple living in her state because of the legal complications involved with her former adoptive parents. (They were allegedly neglecting her) Our second child came soon afterwards and he has been the joy of our lives for 14 years now. Although his challenges come no where close to little S., I was doctor and hospital running monthly for the first few years and then working with the committee of special education for preschoolers. We have had over a decade of challenging behavioral issues and worked with psychologists for help. When my boy was little I was told he would never walk normal. He just won a trophy for the end of season in JV basketball. He was so severely speech delayed we were told he would be years behind his peers. He was just accepted into the honors program in private college prep school on academic scholarship. He is a wonderful handsome intelligent funny loyal and loving good son. We were able to give him the medical, therapeutic, and supportive environment he needed to reach his full potential. I write this to thank you and for women who are considering abortion or adoption. My son's mother could have chosen abortion. Thank God she didn't. She did have the courage to let him go. I am eternally grateful. There are so many couples like us who would be happy to take your child in. Have faith.
ReplyDeleteSaving any life, especially a defenseless human baby is amazing sacrifice and in my opinion you are a hero to the baby. I love babies. I had two of my own. My husband and I would have had more but I wasn't emotionally stable enough after pregancy to do a third. Post partum stuff. We decided it was better to stop at two and be good parents to that many than to risk another pregancy that might do all of us more harm than good. Everyone has to know there own limits. Responsible child bearing should be all our mantras. But life doesn't always work out that way. Look at the divorce rates! We can't predict what will or will not work. And to those who bashed you so tragically - well may they be repaid in kind. I am glad my parents adopted me and made the commitment before I was born that would take me "as is". There own biological child gave them way more grief that I ever did! This controverersial issue sure got a lot of comments both good and bad. Guess we all better look at our own lifestyles before we are so quick to judge others. Take care and all the best to you and your girls.
ReplyDeleteTo all you bitching about the dollar cost of her life, you are the problem with this world. This brave woman, regardless of personal choices made, has saved a life. I wish there were more people like her in this world.
ReplyDelete"Greed has poisoned men’s souls, has barricaded the world with hate, has goose-stepped us into misery and bloodshed. We have developed speed, but we have shut ourselves in. Machinery that gives abundance has left us in want. Our knowledge has made us cynical. Our cleverness, hard and unkind. We think too much and feel too little. More than machinery we need humanity. More than cleverness we need kindness and gentleness. Without these qualities, life will be violent and all will be lost...."
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ReplyDeleteI think you did a wonderful job securing the safety of this baby. As for having to give her to another family, that just shows how much you do care about her. You put her needs before your feelings knowing she would need a family that would be read any able to care for her in the special way she needs. You are a shining example of a great mother and hero. Because trust me, you are Baby S' hero.
ReplyDeleteKnow this...if you've made bad choices in life, or never make another good choice...on Baby S., you made a perfect choice. She may never know of your wonderful gift, but God knows! Thank you for such an inspiring story, and may God bless you and your girls!
ReplyDeleteIt makes me really sad that you have been attacked by others for refusing to end a defenseless baby's life. You did the right thing.
ReplyDeleteMy sister is a deaf special needs teacher and her students have the same extreme challenges that Baby S has, some of them even more so. You should see the joy in those children when they smile. They enjoy the life they have, they enjoy the people who love them, they are enthusiastic about this world and everything it has to offer.
Sure, it's more work as a parent to care for these kids, but you did the right thing by adopting her out to a family who wanted her and could afford to take good care of her. You should have peace in your heart and don't listen to people who have never been in your shoes and who don't know how it feels to have someone else's life in their hands like you did.
God is well-pleased with those who stand up for what is right, true, and noble. God bless you!
Thanks for sharing your story. I just read it on CNN and I too was conflicted about your situation, as you must of have been, just by reading it. I am very much pro-choice but I am glad you decided to deliver the baby. She is especially blessed that you found a family to step up to take care of her. I hope your next chapter in life is filled with joy, love & prosperity! Your daughters are very lucky. Blessing to you & your family.
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ReplyDeleteI just read your story on CNN and read some of your blog and I applaud you for your courage. My wife and I have had a child with alobar holoprosencephaly, so we understand the agony of finding out such a diagnosis. Though we only had 10 months with him, they are 10 months that have changed us forever and we would never give them up. You are a courageous person and this world would be better with more people with your moral conviction.
ReplyDeletePer your blog, you most definitely did not "give up" on Baby S. You are the reason that her beautiful life is here. I can't begin to understand how difficult it must have been to give her up but it takes a special love to realize that someone else can financially care for her better. Being willing to allow her to be adopted is just as courageous as fighting for her life.
Don't worry about those that attack you. Every life is precious, no matter the circumstance. Take comfort that your decision was correct and know that those that attack you will have their eventual reward. God bless you!
If Kelly truly believed like many on here who are pro life, that there is no way in heck they would ever have an abortion, then why logically would you EVER proceed to go through with surrogacy? This is an honest question to all those who feel she did the right thing. I completely respect a person's right to choose and even the right to be pro-life, but at the very least stand by your own convictions.
ReplyDeleteYOU did the wrong thing by ever signing something that you were completely against, misleading the poor couple who tried to find a surrogate match. I'm sure the couple would have found someone else if you vehemently disagreed with abortion in the contract with regards to your body. To me the wrong move was ever moving forward with surrogacy knowing what it would clearly entail. You mislead the biological parents (father) completely by signing the contract.
It's clearly shown in the CNN article that your reasons for surrogacy was primarily for the money (first and foremost) CLEARLY stated in the article #1 (priority), then to help a couple as you had experienced miscarriages #2. That alone says a lot about things.
I hope this couple is able to tell their side of the story, because if anyone knows anything there's always 2 sides to the story.. Hopefully theirs will get told soon. It's funny how even now you're talking about making this POOR situation into a book or even a movie. Exploiting your situation much?
Hi Kelly,
ReplyDeleteSo blessed by your story! Thank you for your witness to protecting life!
Are you willing to be interviewed for another story?
If so, please e-mail me at michael.c.x.sullivan [at] gmail [dot] com.
Bless you,
Michael
I'm not going to bother reading the hateful comments from people who have no idea what they're talking about.
ReplyDeleteMy son was born with William's Syndrome that caused serious heart defects. He died from his disorder but there is now a life saving law in WV because of him. Corbin's bill requires all newborns to be screened for heart defects using pulse ox.
I dare someone to tell me I should have aborted him.
You NEVER will know how a little life can change the world. I support your decision not to abort and to find a loving home for your baby. NO ONE has the right to judge or tell you how to live your life. You did the right thing.
"No matter what anybody told me, I became her mother." Oh really? Well then why did you give her up? You just exerted ridiculous control over the fate of a child and made decisions that were NOT yours to make. Worse is that you condemed illness and pain to a child that was NOT yours. Ultimately, you tried to extort money from a couple who was actually considering the health and well being of their child and not wanting to bring her to this world to live the life of surgeries, hospitals, pain and suffering she will endure. You are a disgusting megalomaniac; ugly, inside and out.
ReplyDeleteYou seem to know the heart of everyone involved . To me the DNA donors wanted a perfect baby and a refund when she wasn't exactly what they ordered. I agree the extortion was callous but she rectified the situation before it was too late and made the best decision she could under the circumstances, murdering a defenseless child is a FAR worse infraction however.
DeleteIn my opinion you should NEVER become a parent if you don't accept what you are given . Children are perfectly imperfect and for some of us gifts. No one has the moral right to decide which baby should live and which baby shouldn't , no matter what a govt. says. She is a hero for that child.
I just read the article about what you've gone through with this baby. I've been through an abortion, through my choice, at age 19 and though I support the right to choose, I also admire your resistance to pressure to abort Baby S. It's so hard in this world to stick to our choices when we know they are right. I will light a candle and keep in mind Baby S with positive energy for her survival through all of her future surgeries. I can see that she provides a light in the world, as do you.
ReplyDeleteDo you ever notice that people who claim to be Pro-Choice are actually only advocating one option - abortion. Pro-choice means that we are all free to make the choice that we decide is best. That means sometimes it will be the choice of abortion and other times it will be the choice of life. Smarten up Pro-choicers and stop hiding behind a word that doesn't really describe you at all.
ReplyDeleteThere is no one in the world who believes abortion is the only option. You insult people and claim you are trying to insult this imaginary group but in truth you just have a hatred for anyone who believes in a right to abortion. You're opinion is irrelevant.
DeleteJ. Riley - I am not referring to you at all with my comment above. You truly seem to understand the term Pro-Choice. If only more people could think like you.
ReplyDeleteYou poor sweet thing. You didn't ask for any of this, you just wanted to be able to support your family and live your life. I'm a mother and I'm pro-choice and I fully believe that you absolutely made the right decision because it was YOUR right decision. Don't let all of these crazy people get to you with their mean and hateful comments. May the universe bless you and your sweet family. Take care.
ReplyDeleteThere's actually a few people on here who call themselves Pro-Choice and do really understand that term. I mean no disrespect to that group of people. I think we can all tell who I am referring to.
ReplyDeleteMomSurroDuolo, as an aside, I do want to commend you for allowing your detractors to voice their opinions. You are also, evidently, an intelligent and well spoken woman. I wish you and your children the best, but I would encourage you to examine the opportunity costs of the things that you do in the future.
ReplyDeleteAlso, I would encourage you to write an entire blog post for the adopting parents in light of the controversy and attention that has emerged. After all, it was them who volunteered to shoulder the weight of Baby S's troubles and I believe that they have, and will, sacrifice the most. In my mind, if anyone is a hero in the story of your "surrogacy insanity," it is them.
Children's existence bought and sold as if they are commodities to only then be discarded if they are and inconvenience and/or not "Perfect". You were very brave to defend the life of the child. It seems the original parents may be in agreement soon.
ReplyDeleteCrystal, no matter what people say or think, God will be the ultimate judge. You have done what is right in His eyes and that is what matters. God bless you.
ReplyDeleteThe story of a child that was not supposed to live. The title says it all. I find it ironic that we have abortions of perfectly healthy fetus's daily. Yet, our NICU's are full of children nature did not seem fit for survival. Does anyone worry about the eventual degeneration of the gene pool?
ReplyDeleteAlso note that if the parent's agreed to the 15,000 dollars we would not know about this.
Exactly!
DeleteI came to your blog after the CNN story. Thank you for refusing to abort the little girl. I read your previous post about how our society thinks it's more merciful to abort children if they have medical problems. What a bunch of lies- how merciful could it be to end someone's life? You are right in fighting for this little girl. Just because we are blessed with good health does not mean we should take the life of someone not as blessed. May we all grow to appreciate people no matter their "defects." May you be blessed and may people be inspired by yout story. And shame on the real parents for abandoning their little girl like that! Is that love???
ReplyDeleteJust read your story on CNN.com about Baby S...and you couldn't have said it better- it is not our choice to play God. Praise the Lord! May you be encouraged in your walk with Him. He is your strength, your salvation, your Rock. I can't image how hard all of this has been on you, not just physically but also emotionally. But you made a choice to trust the Lord and bring a precious life into this world for His glory. A precious testimony <3 Keeping you and your girls in prayer and your healing. God bless you :)
ReplyDeleteI just read about you and I came here to say my peace about this situation. I am pro-choice and believe in a woman's right to have an abortion, but I don't believe ANYONE has the right to force a woman to have an abortion. I can understand the bio parents situation too and how hard it was for them but I don't think it's necessarily bad of them to choose not to raise the baby. In the end I believe the best situation for this child happened. She was born and she is with parents who love and cherish her and have the means to support her in all her needs.
ReplyDeleteYou are a very brave woman and I thank you for letting that little girl experience life.
ReplyDeleteI just read the CNN article about you & Baby S.
ReplyDeleteI was touched by the love you gave this precious little girl.
I had a little girl who was born with many health problems (heart, glaucoma, lungs, bones, etc.)due to Axenfeld-Reiger Syndrome. She had many surgeries & hospitalizations and we were told that she might live to be 16 years old. We were blessed to have her in our lives for 23 years. She passed away 9 1/2 years ago, after a 5 week stay in the hospital, waiting for a heart transplant.
I would have missed out on a lot of love, had I not had her & I wouldn't go back & change it.
She taught our family so much about love, patience & strength in the midst of suffering.
I can't imagine what an empty life we would have had without her.
I still miss her so much!
It's so easy to have convictions when you're not in the situation. It doesn't matter if you're pro-life or pro-choice when the baby is in your womb. And it's okay that she struggled morally for a few days. I'm adamantly pro-choice, but when I had a baby growing in my womb, nothing could have stopped me from having him. I knew no matter what the 5-month ultrasound said, I already loved him. He was and is healthy, but as a special education teacher for kids with significant and complex special needs, I can tell you that every single one of their lives is valuable. No less valuable than yours or mine. The value of a life is not how much that person pays in taxes. Anyone who thinks that it is, I feel very sad for you.
ReplyDeleteI just read the article about you and sweet Baby S on CNN. I just wanted to tell you that you did the right thing. Thank you for being brave and for having the conviction to do what your heart was telling you to do. I pray God blesses you and your family and that He continues to bless that beautiful little girl.
ReplyDeleteAfter posting my comment, I read some other comments.
ReplyDeleteIt is amazing that some people think you are wiser & wealthier just because you have a college education.
That is not the case!
There are a lot of us, who got our education without college.
We were wise enough to seek out what we needed to learn to be successful.
Sometimes you learn more through the school of hard knocks.
And, no, I do not live off the taxpayers. I pay taxes ( more that I should, in fact)!
What a story (CNN)! Thank you for choosing and standing up for life, not death, even with such opposition. You did an amazing thing. May the Lord reward you richly!
ReplyDelete