I'd like to say I've got life figured out.
I'd like to say that I am exactly where I want to be and that I've got life by the horns, directing it where I want it to go and taking no prisoners along the way.
However, if I said those things, I'd be lying.
My story is long and complicated. Much too much for this, my first blog post on my brand new blog. It's been fraught with hardship, complication, joy, sadness, change, learning, and a myriad of other situations and occurrences that I can't even begin to go through in a simple and understandable format.
Let's just say it's been a journey.
This journey has taken me places I never thought imaginable. I am a high school graduate, an experienced horse-woman, a daycare provider, an auntie, a sister, a friend, and an entrepreneur. I am also a mom, a naturalist, a cloth diapering freak, a breastfeeding advocate, a natural birth lover, an intactivist, a parental rights believer, doula in training, and to some.. a hippie lost in the wrong time period. Some of these things I am better at than others ;) Above all, I am me. As the quote says "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." Thank goodness for Marilyn Monroe, she really got it right there!
I've been to hell and back, and I've learned a lot along the way. Four years ago I really thought I had life figured out. Living on my own, my little apartment with my nanny job, my friends and family, a history of depression that I finally had under control, my religious beliefs (which are more life philosophies) and my own little niche in the world. Then two little pink lines changed everything forever.
Becoming a parent is the single most defining thing that ever happened to me. It changed everything. From dealing with a child with a heart defect, fighting postpartum depression, and realizing that the world wasn't about me anymore, I felt lost. I thought that it was dually the best and worst thing that ever happened to me.
Then came #2. They are now 15 months and almost 3. ButtButt is a crazy whirlwind of a child, spirited in her own ways, who loves to be active, has communication 'issues', and loves to play puzzles, watch "Ana-ina" (Angelina Ballerina) jump on her trampoline and give mommy snuggles and kisses. BooBoo is a little more laid back, (as long as she's being held!) a booby monster, and just learning how to get into everything. We're not perfect, but we have a lot of fun!!
Over the course of having and raising my children, I'm slowly finding my way back. I"m learning all over again who I am, and what is important. I know that my children are the single most important thing in my life and I am oh so blessed to have them. They are the only ones who I will have the most influence upon, and I thank my lucky stars every day that I have them. They have made me re-evaluate my priorities, take a good look at myself, and I am a better person for every day I spend with them. I've developed an innate sense of personal responsibility which as led me to challenge choices that I would have made for children I provided daycare for in a heartbeat. My nutrition, medical opinions, safety and career choices have been drastically changed just because these two little lives became mine to cherish and nurture. I hope I do well by them.
SO.. since this is already becoming long (lol, I tend to do that when I start writing) I'll close by saying that even thought I"ve got a pretty good handle on things at the present moment, I certainly don't have it all figured out. I've got a good idea where I"m going, but life throws many obstacles and challenges our way every day. Keep your eyes and ears tuned for all sorts of really fun and amazing stuff. I really hope to keep up with this blog a little better than my last attempt, and I shall be posting recipies, natural living tips, my surrogacy adventure, deals and events going on in the area, and my personal reflections and musings in general right here, for your enjoyment. So hold on tight.. its going to be a great ride!
Kristal (and BooBoo who is refusing to sleep)