As the clock chimes..

Times, they are a-changing! 

It's been a little while since I last posted, and so things have changed as the time has gone on. Thanks to everyone who is and has been reading this blog.. but things are about to change quite a bit around here. 

First of all, Baby S is doing fine. I just want to assure you all of that. She is getting so big, and I am so so so proud of her and everything that she is accomplishing. She will be a year old soon, and after that date comes, I don't know that there will be much on this blog about her anymore. 

My family and I are moving forward. I have found some new direction, and will be launching my brand new non-profit business soon. More on that in a few: 

But most of all, we are ready to move forward in our life and get ourselves back to independent living. I am thankful for my kids' dad who has been footing the bill for the hotel where we have been staying for the last 3 months, but I simply cannot stand living in a hotel anymore. It's freaking embarrassing to say I work full time and I live in a hotel with my 2 kids and our dog. Not to mention not being able to cook, clean properly, and having other people have access to my stuff while I"m away (although I haven't suspected anyone of going into our room while we're gone.. still it *could* happen).

My oldest daughter is turning 5 this year. She is amazing and bright and wonderful. In just over a month she will have her birthday, and I already know what she wants. She has told me that she wants her bed back, with all her Tinkerbell sheets and pillows, and her toys. It make me want to cry that I can't give her these things.

Accumulating money is slow. Bills pile up, the van needs repairs, and even clothing and food costs are outrageous. Despite all this I have managed to save almost $1500 in the last 2 months. Housing is expensive in this wonderful state though, and I'm looking at any and every place that I can find under $1200 a month. 

Here is where things get funny. I reluctantly asked the internet world for help back when I was dealing with the immediate effects of being asked to terminate the pregnancy, and my subsequent relocation. I received a LOT of backlash from that request. But.. I also met a fantastic community of wonderful people who were able and willing to help me and my family with the resources I needed. Thanks to them my time in Michigan was spent focusing on doing the best I could for Baby S and my other children, and not on financial trouble or worry. I tell everyone that I was just the vessel, and that my success in bringing Baby S to the world is really thanks to all the amazing people I had supporting me. 

So.. based upon previous experience.. and based upon letters and emails I have received.. I am repeating my request. I never thought that almost a year after birthing that beautiful girl I would still be in the difficult position that I have been in. I know that there are people who will be appalled that I'm asking anyone to help me. I know there are plenty of people who will tell me to go to charities.. which I've already tried. But I'm so close to being able to gain back my independence.. and I think my girls deserve to have a place to call home. 

A friend of mine introduced me to Continue to Give back after Baby S was born. At the time I was using GiveForward, so I never tried to use the site, but I've checked it out now and I really like it :) 

Please, if you feel so inclined.. fill out the info and donate to our cause. We will be having other fundraisers soon, and stay posted for details on the new non-profit as well as other projects and things we will have going on. 

For now.. may you all be blessed, enjoy the weather as it starts to warm up, and continue to hold Baby S in your thoughts and prayers. You are all in mine! <3 span="">

Say what you will.

I don't really know how to start this post, but I feel I need to say something regarding all the critics who have been popping up, and the accusations that are being made.
I'm sure by now everyone reading this has seen the story on CNN or read something online about the story of Baby S. If you have looked at the comments, you've realized that opinions vary, and people can be downright nasty when they don't agree. I'm going to try to address the three comments I am seeing most frequently, as easily as I can in this format.

Religion- Many people have made the assumption that I am a die-hard Catholic and that my views on abortion are the result of religious brainwashing. I'm sorry to tell you that you are wrong.
That's right, I'm not Catholic. In fact, in not even Christian!
My pro-life standpoint comes from my own brain, my spiritual beliefs, and a great sense of respect for life. I am also against capital punishment, animal abuse and euthanization. I believe in karma and fate above all, and I am certain that ensuring Baby S. had a chance at both life and a happy home brings me good karma.

Money- This is where CNN got it wrong (although I'm sure many people won't believe me). When I began looking to work as a surrogate, money was not one of my main priorities. I had a job at that time, and I had a partner who made more than enough for us to live comfortably. Yes, after I was pregnant and lost my job; when my partner and I split up, money was a concern. I'm sure that is why I was offered money to abort, and yeah, I considered what amount would allow me to run far away and forget the whole situation, as explained in earlier posts. But in the end, no amount of money was worth taking a life, and I certainly didn't end up in a good financial position at any point in this journey. I received nothing from the IPs after Feb. 2012, and I did not get a dime from the adoptive family.
Hear that? NOT A DIME. I moved to Michigan with nothing. Some very supportive family and friends made that possible. The only assistance i received was medical, and I still have bills even with medicaid. I lived on next to nothing for 4 months while all this played out. I came back to CT to jobs that never panned out, and lived with my ex until Feb. 2013. We're now homeless. If I had money, don't you think I'd have a bit more than a $3000 hospital bill and a storage unit with all my belongings in it?

I don't tell this so you'll feel sorry for me, but to make a point. I didn't gain anything by fighting for Baby S's life. If anything, I lost a lot more. I lost friends, my security, resources, and more. I never did this for MY benefit. Say what you want.

Baby S's Welfare- So many people seem to think that Baby S is a vegetable. I wish you all could see how far from the truth that is! CNN didn't catch how she will stand on your lap and bounce; how she gets agitated when you stop. How she chews on her adoptive father's coffee cup or is going through a (very age appropriate) mommy stage. Sure, there are things she is behind on, but in so many ways she is just like any other baby! We don't know exactly how she is going to develop, but that alone shows me how much this little girl deserved a chance to live. She may not communicate like you and me, but trust me she will not be one to sit by and not make her opinions heard! When her cleft is repaired, everyone who knows her believes she will talk.

So I guess the short lesson of this fairly long post is please, stop assuming you have all knowledge  about me, Baby S, or any of this just because you heard a short segment on CNN. I know it is human nature to judge, but until you live my life and you see the world through my eyes, let's remember that first and foremost I am a person, just like you. Baby S. is a person too, and we both deserve respect, even if you are not in agreement.