To make this happen my good friend and I traveled to NYC for a day! WE had a special little tagalong as well, S's new little brother! (brother-in-love, my third child O)
We had a great time at the show, and I hope nobody could tell that I was a nervous wreck!
Although I wasn't able to see it live, I did finally find it online!!
http://www.doctoroz.com/episode/nightmare-surrogacy-battles-when-parents-and-surrogates-disagree?video_id=4852585603001
It was a bit surreal and very nerve wracking, but doing a tv interview really made me realize how far I've come in the last couple of years. 4 years ago when I came back to CT after leaving S in the hospital in Michigan, I was a mess. I thought that leaving her would have been easy; after all we'd planned for the day when I'd relinquish custody, and that had all gone to plan. We'd planned that I would start phasing out my visits at the hospital and let her mother take over, and I'd been doing that. Packing up hadn't been difficult, but driving away was torture. I can still remember very clearly the panic attack that accompanied my driving across the state lines from Michigan to Ohio and again from Ohio to the next state. That first night I stayed at a friend's house, and cried myself to sleep.
For much of the last 4 years I have been living in crisis mode. My anxiety threatens to get the best of me time and time again. Living through this has taught me how to handle almost anything that people can say to me, as well as calm the inner critic who tells me that everyone is judging me silently. My life habits have been built around a need to calm the inner demons, and I have been adding techniques and habits to my daily routine that have been giving me amazing results. Before my pregnancy with O I was 125lbs and incredibly healthy despite a back injury that at times left me unable to walk. My pregnancy was great for my back, but torture for the rest of me. I experienced what I can only believe was Hyperemesis Gravidarum (HG) and lost over 25lbs in the first 2 months. Until I was nearly 8 months I couldn't stand for more than 5 minutes without getting dizzy.
This journey has been long, but it has had its purpose. I have been slowly working on finding ME again, Before I had O, I was becoming happier with my life and stressing less. I am still far from perfect. I suspect I have PTSD, and have been seeking treatment. But I am motivated to move forward with the life that I originally hoped my surrogacy would jumpstart. Today I have begun to heal, and I find that the best healing I can do for myself, is to help others. And so I have decided to resume my doula services <3 nbsp="" p="">
Additionally, I"m adding a new service, pregnancy coaching!
Many women feel as though they would benefit from having someone other than a doctor to talk to during their pregnancy who can give them facts and evidence on the choices that they have in their pregnancy, birth, and the care and raising of their newborn child. As an experienced mother and doula, I have insight and experience that allows me to help moms get the most beneficial information that can help them to have a powerful, empowered and satisfying birth. Research shows that a 'healthy baby' simply isn't enough for a healthy mother-child bond. When mothers experience a satisfying birth experience, they are more easily able to adapt to the challenges of motherhood and make sound choices in the care of their child. As a lifelong student, I have access to hundreds of journals and thousands of research studies and articles on every topic imaginable. If I don't know the answer, I can find it! Six years in school has given me a great toolbox of researching techniques, to make sure you have access to the most up to date and pertinent information on any topic you choose.
My website is a mess, but the contact form on this page will send your message to me: e-mail me
I'm writing a new blog as well, I would absolutely love for any and all of you to follow me there:
So now that Baby S is 4, I guess it's time to stop calling her a baby!!! From now on she'll be referred to as Stormie only. She's getting so big. I am SO proud of her! Until next time folks!!
<3 face="Verdana, sans-serif" font="">Crystal
